A interview with Eyeless Jack

Me: After a VERY long time I finally got ahold of someone special...someone I've been trying to get ahold of for a long time. EYELESS JACK!
(Interviewer throws confetti in the air.)

Eyeless jack: Don't do that...EVER...AGAIN!

Me: Sorry...jeez.

Eyeless jack: I don' want any of you friggen confetti getting all up in hair! Do you know how long it takes to make my hair look like this!
(Jack points toward his messy hair.)

Me: No very long, it looks rather messy.

Eyeless Jack: I do that on purpose!

Me: Then how does it take so long, if you want it to look bad just don't try.

Eyeless jack: Well, um, because...

Me: Nevermind, I'll ask something else.

Eyeless jack: You do that.

Me: So, what do you think of your fellow monsters.

Eyeless jack: What do you mean?

Me: You know, Jeff, Laughing Jack, Sally, BEN, and Slenderman?

Eyeless jack: Oh right.
(Jack clears his throat)
Jeff is overrated, and a total slop. Last week he ate a meatball hoagie, in MY bed. I had to throw the friggen thing out.
Laughing jack stole my name and he is constantly eating all my chips, he doesn't even like chips, he just doesn't want me to have them.
Sally is a brat, she brakes everything and often times refuses to admit it.
BEN has been extremely annoying ever since he became a brony, and he thinks it's funny to screw with the files on my computer.
And Slenderman? I haven't seen him in awhile, so he wins in being the most well behaved by default.

Me: Ah...juicy gossip.

Eyeless jack: Oh, you think that's juicy?
One time I accidently walked in on Jeff and he was *censored*

Me: T-that's disgusting!

Eyeless jack: That's not all he was also *censored*

Me: That's even worse!

Eyeless jack: *censored*

Me: STOP TALKING!

Eyeless jack: Fine...

Me: Moving on from those horrendous display of the English language, Jack, we all know you like kidneys, but what do you think of liver?

Eyeless jack: It is bitter, and often times laves a horrible after taste. If any other kidney eaters are watching/reading this, stay away from liver...it's disgusting!

Me: Okay then, So jack, any sports you enjoy.

Eyeless jack: I got no eyes...what do you think?

Me: Is that a maybe?

Eyeless jack: NO! IT'S A NO, YOU IDIOT!

Me: Hey! There is no need for name-calling!

Eyeless jack: Actually I think there is a need for the calling of names. I also think this is the perfect time for leaving.
(Jack leaves)

Me: No-no! Get back here! The interview isn't over! The interview isn't ov-



*Connection lost*